Rachel's Life

A Little 'Bout Me

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Rachel Says: close windows if you really do not want to visit my webpage.
Please do not come and view my blog if you seriously got a problem with me, as I do not welcome people like you.

I can be very friendly, but nasty too!

Beware!

typical girl, like anyone you see down the street.
one thing you should already know, i am Super Unfriendly.
I'm not kidding.
Easily irritated, Annoyed and has Extremely No Patience. Stay Away!

Tagboard

Important People

My Koh Family. - Daddy & Mummy

My SK Family. - Karrie, Karen, Hui Li, Eric, Deric, Allan, Eddie, John, Ah Leong KorKor & AlvinLim

My 137 Family. - Eric, Karrie, Deric, ShuZheng, Leonard, Kelvin, Dane, ZhenYou, & Daryl

My Close Friends. - Kai Jun, Raven, XiangXiang, KianEan, Javier, Anne, EdwinZ, EdwinK & Amelia

Sigh..

Written on: Thursday, November 3, 2011
Time: 7:14 PM

): I vomited again..

Looks like I am not really recovering. ):
But yeah, I guess I will be alright..
maybe in a month time or longer?

And I miss the kids a lot now ):
Really a lot.
I went to visit them yesterday.
Left with heartache because I know
I could no longer take care of them
like I did in the past anymore.

Yesterday, YinChi's questions really stunned me.
Because I do not know how should I tell her what had happened..
Why am I no longer working in Casi helping her dad and
why am I no longer staying in her place..

It's quite painful for me to think back of the past and
yeah.

lols.

I don't think anyone can put themselves in my shoes and
think because they are too selfish for themselves.
I'm so sorry that I said this, but it's true.
You all aren't me, even if you put yourself in my shoes,
you are still unable to understand why I choose to so cruel to myself.

Because you guys haven been close to the kids, yes, it's not mine.
But we do have feelings, or maybe you guys just don't understand the love
I have for them. It's just like how you love your own family members.
They are really like my own, we are so close, we spent our days and nights together.
Not long, a year and that's enough for me to cry my heart out for what it is like now.

Maybe I did the right decision leaving him but
I can't leave the kids because I love them too!
And it's way too much than a relationship.
I likes kids, yes I do. And when you were once ready to
accept the family, the guy, everything then something went wrong
and it's gone. No longer like what you thought and wanted.
Yes, this is life, ups and downs but I can't control myself.

No matter if anyone says that I am just too emotional or whatever.

It's love, my love for them keeps growing stronger and I know
I can't hide.

Only if nothing goes wrong, everything remains the same in the past..
but that's only if.

Today, I let go of everything, accepted my current boyfriend.
I should not let the past affects me, but I know I can't.

I don't want the relationship back but the kids, the love I have for them,
the feelings, the pain..

I don't know how to express myself for all these feelings.

Just feels that I am missing them so much so much and
I can't control.